Microwaveable Dinner
by Lyn F
Summary: Lucius is left at Spinner's End with nothing more than a two-litre bottle of Coca Cola and a microwaveable dinner. Will he figure out how to heat it so he can eat? LM, with SS/HG


_I don't own them. It's all JK Rowling's. I'm just borrowing them for the moment._

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Lucius was in a very bad mood indeed.

Severus and Hermione had thought it would be fun to lock Lucius up for a day at Spinner's End. They had bound him, Apparated him to Severus' house, and left him with no more than a two-litre bottle of a Muggle soft drink called Coca-Cola and a shrink-wrapped package that read "Microwaveable Dinner". Severus had also taken Lucius' wand and added anti-Apparition wards for good measure.

"Let's see how long it will take him to figure out what to do with those items in the kitchen," Hermione had said, laughing as they had left.

Lucius rubbed his neck. He couldn't believe Severus and Hermione had left him in Severus' wreck of a house alone, wandless. They had probably put up anti-Apparition wards in addition to Severus' usual wards. He wondered why they had done this. He growled as he stood up and started pacing in the tiny sitting room.

"How dare they do this to me!" Lucius fumed. "Just how long are those cretins expecting me to stay here locked up like an animal? I am going to KILL them upon their return!" He noticed an empty snifter, picked it up, and threw it against the wall.

Time passed. There was no sign of either Severus or Hermione. Lucius was feeling hungry. He wandered to the kitchen and found a bottle containing a brown liquid and a package with a picture of a steak smothered with gravy, mashed potatoes, and corn. He picked up the package and sniffed it. "What is this monstrosity?" he asked. He read the instructions on the side and scratched his head. "What is a microwave oven?" He looked around and noticed a box-like object at the end of one of the worktops. He approached it and noticed a knob and a button.

He pressed the button, and a door sprung open. Lucius jumped back, startled. He approached the box and noticed a lighted cavity which contained a glass plate. He placed his hand in the cavity and quickly withdrew it. "What is this thing?" he asked. He closed the door and noticed the writing on the panel above the knob: Kenmore Solid State. He studied the knob and noticed some numbers on it. "I wonder what this does," he muttered as he turned it anti-clockwise. The machine lit up and started to hum. Lucius' eyes widened as he jumped back in shock.

"Gah!" he cried. Curiosity made him look at the door, which now apparently had a window through which he could look. The glass plate was rotating in the cavity. "Interesting," he said. The knob appeared to be counting down the time as it moved clockwise toward zero. At that point, a bell rang and the contraption stopped humming. Lucius approached it carefully and felt the door. It did not feel any different. He turned the knob again as the contraption again roared to life. It counted down the seconds and shut itself off after the bell rang.

"This is all well and good," Lucius muttered, "but it doesn't get me any closer to food, and I'm starving." He looked through all the cupboards but found only dingy dishes that looked like they could use more than just a simple Cleansing charm. He growled, cursing Severus, Hermione, and anyone else who came to mind. He took the package with the picture of the steak on it and threw it across the room. He then took the bottle and tossed that out the window. He pulled out an old rickety chair and sat down heavily with a huff.

After what seemed like hours, Lucius lifted his head when he heard laughter coming from the sitting room. He went there and saw Severus and Hermione on the sofa. Lucius angrily grabbed Severus' and Hermione's collars and started shaking them.

"How dare you kidnap me and lock me in this godforsaken hell-hole without food and drink as you go gallivanting who knows where!" he yelled.

Hermione laughed. "We did leave you food," she said. "You mean to tell me, you haven't worked out how to heat it up?"

Lucius growled as he turned his fury on Hermione. "For your information, you little swot, no, I haven't done so, and even if I had, I wouldn't eat some cheap Muggle food out of a box!"

As Hermione giggled, Severus got up and went to the kitchen. He dissolved in laughter when he discovered the food package on the floor, and the Coca-Cola bottle in the garden.

"Lucius, you berk," he chortled, "you threw away your food and drink!"

Lucius sniffed imperiously. "I wouldn't eat that even if you paid me."

"Pity," Severus said. "Hermione, I'm afraid you owe me 5 Galleons."

Hermione laughed. "It was worth losing, I assure you."

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A/N: Prompt issued by LuciannaMalfoy: _Lucius has a ready meal. And a microwave. No other food or elf allowed!_ Without the disclaimer and A/N, this story contains exactly 800 words according to Microsoft Word. Thanks go to sunny33 for tense and adverb help, and to ladyinthecloak for the Saturday evening beta-reading.


End file.
